Archive for September, 2010

Thoughts on “Off and Running”

Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

Off and Running, directed by Nicole Opper and broadcast last night on PBS, tells the story of an African-American teenager, Avery, who was adopted as a baby by a white lesbian couple, Travis and Tova. Avery’s brothers, Rafi (older) and Zay-Zay (younger), were also adopted. (Read the PBS synopsis in the post below.)

The film illustrates a theme familiar to transracial families, adoptive or not: the question of racial identity; that is, the child’s sense of belonging to a community. Avery struggled with this issue throughout the film, as do many transracial families.

 But it seems to me that the film’s more pressing and central theme–“Who am I?”– is unique to adoptive families. Not “Who am I?” as a member of a community, but “Who am I?” as an individual. You can’t know who you are unless you know where you came from. It’s the question my children asked almost as soon as they could speak. “ Did I come out of your tummy? Why not? Whose tummy did I come from?” And then, as they got older: “Why did she give me up?”  (more…)

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Another PBS documentary about adoption, “Off and Running”

Tuesday, September 7th, 2010

PBS’s award-winning non-fiction showcase, Point of View, will broadcast another documentary about adoption, tonight, Tuesday, September 7 at 10 p.m. Titled Off and Running, the film was directed by Nicole Opper. Please note: some PBS affiliates are screening the show at a later date. Check your local listings for air time by clicking on this link and typing in your zip code.( http://www.pbs.org/pov/tvschedule/)

How exciting and wonderful that the subject of adoption is receiving so much attention on public television! I’m glad I support my local affiliate, KQED, with a membership. 

Here’s the PBS synopsis:

Off and Running tells the story of Brooklyn teenager Avery, a track star with a bright future. She is the adopted African-American child of white Jewish lesbians. Her older brother is black and Puerto Rican and her younger brother is Korean. Though it may not look typical, Avery’s household is like most American homes — until Avery writes to her birth mother and the response throws her into crisis. She struggles over her “true” identity, the circumstances of her adoption and her estrangement from black culture. Just when it seems as if her life is unraveling, Avery decides to pick up the pieces and make sense of her identity, with inspiring results.”  (more…)

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Save the Date for “Upstart Crow”

Friday, September 3rd, 2010

I’ve added another venue to my upcoming Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir book tour: Upstart Crow in beautiful downtown San Diego. The date is Wednesday, November 17 at 7 p.m. If you live in the southland, hope to see you there.

I have my bicycling friends to thank for this one: My former neighbor and fellow Crown City Cyclist (a San Diego bike club), Marcia Banks, told another Crown City cyclist, Carola Esquino about Mamalita. Turns out that Carola is a manager at Upstart Crow. This past summer in San Diego, when Tim rode with the club, she offered to chat with me about a possible reading. Long story short, we set the date.

If you haven’t yet been to Upstart Crow, you are in for an idyllic bookstore experience. The place is charming, cozy, and friendly, with excellent coffee, delicious baked goods, and a tremendous selection of books. With validation, you can get two hours of free parking, too–always a bonus in California.

As a former English major, I should have known the origin of “upstart crow,” but, I confess, I didn’t. The term refers to none other than William Shakespeare. In 1592, the university-educated poet and playwright, Robert Greene, called Shakespeare, then an actor and up-and-coming playwright, an “upstart crow,” implying that Shakespeare had no business believing he could write as well as the “university set.” History sure has proven Mr. Greene wrong on that one (“Robert who?”). Read the whole fascinating story on this Shakespeare website.  

As a side note: I first heard the name of our daughter, Olivia, in high school, when I played the character from Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night. I’ve loved the name, and Shakespeare, ever since. It’s another reason I’m thrilled to be speaking at Upstart Crow.

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Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy impressions

Wednesday, September 1st, 2010

I wish everyone could see Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy because it gives some small insight into the losses endured by so many children who are adopted. Not only kids adopted internationally, but any child who has spent time in foster care or an orphanage, or anywhere they may have formed attachments. (Not to mention the loss of birth family and culture.) That said, the film also shows the gains made: a loving family, and a sense of permanent belonging. 

Watching the movie, I developed a real affection for the little girl who is the film’s subject, Fang Sui Yong, now named Faith Sadowsky. I admire her strength, her intelligence, her resolve, her adaptability, her honesty, her humor, her sweetness.

I also became very fond of the Sadowsky family, who adopted Faith. From Donna and her husband, who are trying hard to do their best; to the two sweethearts of older brothers who obviously care so much about their sisters; to little Darah, also born in China and adopted into the family. The love the Sadowskys feel for one another is palpable.  Faith is part of that, no question.

I like the way the filmmaker, Stephanie Wang-Breal, begins with Donna Sadowsky and her father going to China to pick up Faith. My guess is that unless you’re an adoptive parent, you don’t know what the “pick-up trip” looks like. The footage gives viewers a good idea. I had read about the scene where Donna is reviewing English flashcards with Faith; some viewers found Donna’s behavior unnecessarily harsh. All I can say is that I, too, have spent hours and days in distant hotel rooms during our adoption processes, and let me tell you, it can be tough. Those moments may not have shown Donna in the best light, but to me, they felt real. Donna and Faith are flesh-and-blood people, and they are struggling. 

The middle of the film shows domestic scenes both happy and sad: Faith dancing at her big brother’s bar mitzvah, contrasted with her losing her facility with Chinese language and thus her connection to her foster family. Faith learning to swim, juxtaposed with her wanting to go home to China.  To me as an adoptive mother, those episodes felt true and revealing. In our house, too, life never feels simple. 

The film ends with Faith shown to be a happy, incredibly well-adjusted girl. Wang-Breal chooses to show her as a complete “American”—driving toward the camera with her sister in a pink convertible, both wearing movie-star sunglasses. Like most children who grow up in a new country—not only kids who are adopted—Faith has absorbed her new culture to such a degree that she is transformed. Is that good or bad? Wang-Breal leaves that to us to decide.  

I think because so many of our children who came to us through adoption adapt so well to their new lives, the world (and we) sometimes forget the long, bumpy road many of them traveled to get here. Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy serves as an excellent reminder.

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