Archive for January, 2011

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Mamalita in the Washington Times

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

A few days ago, Andrea Poe of the Washington Times interviewed me about Mamalita for the paper’s section called “The Red Thread: An Adoptive Family Forum.” As a great admirer of Poe’s support for adoption, I was incredibly honored when she told me she loved my book, and that her profile of me and our story would run in her column on January 11, 2011. Readers of this blog may remember my comments on the piece Poe ran on the Gatto Family, whose case has been stalled in Guatemala since the closure of adoption in December 2007. In another piece, titled “UNICEF’s effective attack on inter-country adoption,” Poe wrote about why the stated policy of the organization founded to help children often does the opposite. Andrea Poe writes the kind of articles about adoption that I want to read.

In the article about Mamalita, Poe writes:

The process to finalize the adoption should have taken a few months.  Instead, it began to drag on without clear answers.   When O’Dwyer reached out to her adoption agency, she would be told they were trying, things were difficult and to be patient.

“I would be heart-broken when I went down to Guatemala to visit Olivia and find her strapped into a stroller in front of the TV,” recalls O’Dwyer.  “The foster parents weren’t bad people, they had other children and they had signed up as foster parents to a baby and Olivia was growing up. Time was going by and Olivia wasn’t growing up with us.  Her attachment was to her foster parents.”

That’s when O’Dwyer made the decision to move to Guatemala, even while Tim stayed back in California.  “I really had no choice.  I wanted to raise my daughter,” she explains.

She rented a home in a town called Antigua, a community where several expats were located, all mothers who had moved down to Guatemala to live with their children, also caught in bureaucratic limbo.  The good news was that the American parents were permitted to keep their children with them as the paperwork dragged through the system, but the bad news was that there was no streamlined process that afforded these families any sense of security.  “I actually faced the fact that I might have to live in Guatemala until Olivia turned 18,” says O’Dwyer.

Poe ends the article with this:

When asked for advice for other parents stuck where she was, waiting and wondering if they will ever be able to bring their kids home, [O’Dwyer] offers this: “Do the very best you can and be active.  My goal was to do one thing every single day that forwarded my goal, even a small thing.  Lobby and advocate officials for change, and when outraged write letters.  Most importantly, don’t give up.”

Read Andrea Poe’s article here. If you have an opinion about it, please post a comment on “The Red Thread: An Adoptive Family Forum” site. And here, too, of course!

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Cultural awareness and Guatemala news

Tuesday, January 11th, 2011

As an adoptive parent to two children born in Guatemala, I’m often asked how I keep our children’s culture alive. After first repeating how important culture-keeping is for our family, I list some of what we do: Study Spanish, collect and study Guatemalan arts and crafts, follow Guatemalan politics and current events, listen to Latin music, eat Central American food, attend culture camp, visit Guatemala.

But is this enough? I often wonder what else I can do to keep my children’s birth culture alive.

That’s why I was very happy to find a related article by first-generation, Colombian-Argentine writer Jennifer Lubrani, a contributor to Travelojos, The Latin American Travel Blog. In the piece, “My New Year’s Resolution: Get Cultured,” Lubrani describes the five ways she vows to learn more about her culture this year.

Learn the language.
Dance.
Celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month.
Comida, por favor.
Read.

Reading Lubrani’s list made me feel better about our efforts. Except for studying Latin dance, we are doing everything she recommends. (2011 may be the year we finally sign up for salsa.) It was also nice for me to read that even for Lubrani, growing up in a Spanish-speaking home with two biological parents, culture-keeping remains a challenge. Another good point Lubrani makes is that each Latin culture is unique, different from every other. Guatemala is not Mexico, nor is it Costa Rica. Lubrani writes:

I’m a first-generation Colombiana/Argentina. My parents migrated to New York from South America many años ago. Growing up, I was fortunate enough to have parents who taught and encouraged my siblings and I to keep traditions and customs from their homelands.

As a result, I’m bilingual and I can speak to you as if I were a bonafide “Rola” from Bogota or transition into sprinkling lots of “che” into my conversations as if I were a native Porteña from Argentina.

I’ve also come to appreciate the many traditions that are shared between both countries such as a passion for fútbol or making sure family comes above all else. However, I’ve also learned cultural aspects that make these two countries seem worlds apart.

Read the article here. (more…)

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Why I came to New Mexico

Monday, January 10th, 2011

I suppose it would be different if I lived in Ireland, but here in the U.S., I rarely meet anyone with the last name “O’Dwyer.” That’s why I was surprised and delighted yesterday when the couple sitting in the first row of my reading at Collected Works in Santa Fe announced their last name was “O’Dwyer,” too.

The Missus asked, “Do you get asked how to spell ‘apostrophe’?”

“All the time,” I said. How fabulous to commiserate over the disappearance of the apostrophe with two who understand.

Like me, they’re adoptive parents, to a grown son born in Ireland, although for years they’ve lived in L.A. Why they were in Santa Fe at the same moment I was, I don’t know, but somehow it made sense that we were in the same place at the same time, discussing adoption. Later, our meeting made me reflect—once again—how important blood relations are to all human beings, including our children who are adopted. How else to explain why we O’Dwyers were so excited to meet one another because somewhere down the line, way back, we might have shared a great-great-great grandmother? I am my children’s mother, but they have other mothers, as well.

The next time you’re in Santa Fe, please visit Collected Works. It’s everything you hope a bookstore would be: warm, friendly, cozy, and big, with plenty of shelf space to hold thousands of books. Co-owner Dorothy Massey and her daughter, Mary Wolf, were terrific to work with. And bookseller David Waag, who hails from Northern California, rides bikes, and has visited Guatemala, made sure the event ran without a hitch.

Yesterday’s reading including one of the most intense discussions of the book and adoption that I’ve had. This could be because every person in the audience had a direct connection to adoption, and had much to say about it. One of the most important comments came from a physician trained in Chile who practices medicine in New Mexico.  Someone asked whether U.S. citizens should be permitted to adopt children from Guatemala, and how Guatemalans felt about it. After I explained reactions varied, Dr. Herrera said that in Chile, families rarely, if ever, adopt non-blood-related children, and that the situation is probably the same in Guatemala. Statistics prove that it is. Research also proves that children are healthier when placed with permanent, loving families, wherever that family may be, than they are growing up in orphanages. My point is that if one considers the best interest of the child, international adoption makes sense.

I’m grateful to social worker and adoptive mom Nichoe Lichen, who helped spread the word of my reading to the adoption community. Nichoe is the current President of the Adoption and Foster Care Alliance of New Mexico and works to improve adoption laws in the State. Here is a photo of Nichoe, on the right, with Dr. Herrera and me.

Thanks to my dear friend, Bethany Nelson, for hosting me and taking photos. Our time together is a marvelous benefit of the visit. Tuesday evening at 7 p.m. I read at Bookworks in Albuquerque. Hope to see you there.

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Mamalita in Marin and a movie on FOX

Saturday, January 8th, 2011

It’s an accident of fate that I fell in love with a man who happens to live in one the most active literary communities in the United States. Marin County is home to countless book clubs, writing groups, and bookstores, as well as innumerable workshops and classes in the art and craft of writing. Every night of the week, you could attend a reading or book launch somewhere in Marin, if only you had more time.  

This week, my local independent newspaper, the Pacific Sun, published a round-up of books by Marin authors, and, I’m proud to report, included Mamalita. Read the article here, or if you’re local, pick up your free copy at newsstands now. Here’s a short excerpt, written by Dani Burlson:

Revealing the often corrupt and nerve-racking challenges of international adoption, O’Dwyer carries readers through wild goose chases, misdirections and endless ups and downs—at times Mamalita reads more like an action-adventure travel memoir, making it difficult to put down.

Despite the prevalent theme of adoption and the subsequent nightmare that O’Dwyer and her husband lived through for nearly two years, Mamalita is, more than anything else, the story of a personal and transformative journey. O’Dwyer is introduced to her own strength, the power and importance of community and the bottomless reservoir of love that parents hold for their children. Witnessing her vigor unfolding with the turn of each page keeps the reader cheering her on from the sidelines. Her love, courage and dedication is heroic, but not all that surprising. After all, she’s a mother.

The same article also features the third volume of the West Marin Review, published through a collaboration among the Tomales Bay Library Association, Point Reyes Books, and volunteers. The final chapter of Mamalita, “Meeting Ana,” is included in the issue. The West Marin Review will host a launch party on Sunday, January 23 from 1 to 4 p.m. at the Red Barn in Point Reyes. Check the WMR website for details.

A few weeks ago, author, speaker, and radio host Patricia V. Davis interviewed Cathy Edgett and me for her Harlots’ Sauce Radio. Cathy spoke about her memoir, Breast Strokes: Two Friends Journal through the Unexpected Gift of Cancer, while I discussed adoption from Guatemala in Mamalita. Patricia asked excellent and probing questions. Hope you will give the podcast a listen.

Recently I received this announcement from an organization called Moms4FamilyTV, whose stated goal is to “promote high-quality family friendly entertainment that the entire family can watch together.” The initiative is sponsored by Walmart and P&G. The next film, Change of Plans, airs tonight,  January 8th 8/7c on FOX. I haven’t had a chance to preview it, but here’s the description:

This heart-warming, funny film surrounds a married couple with no kids, who–through unfortunate events –ends up adopting four kids from Africa, Asia, and South America. The film reveals how fulfilling life can be when you look beyond your own plans and invest in the lives of others. The film is also very pro-adoption!

Airs tonight, January 8th at 8/7c on FOX. Watch the trailer here.

Today, I’m en route to New Mexico for two readings in the Mamalita Book Tour. My friend Bethany is there, and I’ll get to meet in person Kim Lopez, who performed the necessary and laborious task of correcting my Spanish in the final edit of Mamalita. (Thank you, Kim!) My plan is also to connect with some adoptive families who live in Santa Fe and Albuquerque.

Here are the venues–Looking forward to it!

Sunday, January 9, 2011 at 2 p.m
Collected Works Bookstore
202 Galisteo Street
Santa Fe, NM 87501
505-988-4226

Tuesday, January 11, 2011, at 7 p.m.
Bookworks
4022 Rio Grande Boulevard NW
Albuquerque, NM 87107
505-344-8139

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Magazine issue dedicated to Guatemala; readings in Santa Fe, Albuquerque, and elsewhere

Thursday, January 6th, 2011

The current issue of Harvard University’s ReVista magazine is dedicated to Guatemala. Thanks to Harvard’s David Rockefeller Center for Latin American Studies, the magazine is available online and free of charge, although donations are welcome. Here is the mission statement:

ReVista: Harvard Review of Latin America, published three times yearly, focuses on different themes related to Latin America, Latinos/as, and the Iberian peninsula. The magazine-length publication brings together different voices on each theme, highlighting the work of Harvard faculty, students, alumni and Visting Scholars.

In her introductory Editor’s Note, titled “Legacies of Violence,” June Carolyn Erlick talks about reading the contributors’ manuscripts, and the complex portrait they paint of Guatemala. She concludes with this observation:

“…as I read the incoming articles, I wondered, is the glass half full or half empty? Guatemala is exploding with projects and ideas and filled with brave men and women intent on transforming society. It is also filled with sadness and corruption and underdevelopment and inequalities and all the legacies of violence that it has inherited over the centuries. I don’t know. Dear reader, I leave it to you and these pages to decide about Guatemala and the proverbial glass.”

For anyone interested in Guatemala, each article is profound in a different way, whether it speaks to the country’s present or past, textiles or languages. The author of a fascinating article on Peten is Mary Jo McConahay, co-producer of the documentary Discovering Dominga. Do yourself a favor and take a look at the issue. Better yet, order yourself a copy. It’s sure to come in handy when your child asks questions about Guatemala or announces she has a social studies project on her ethnic heritage, due tomorrow.

A quick note: Next week, I’ll be reading in New Mexico, and the week after that, in Durham, North Carolina; and Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania. Washington, DC is also on my itinerary this month, but that event is at a private home. If you live in the D.C. area, and are really, really interested in coming, please send me an email and I’ll ask the host if she can fit one more. The date is Thursday, January 20.

Meanwhile, here are my dates in Santa Fe, Albuquerque, and elsewhere. For my full schedule, including summer readings in Iowa and at the Squaw Valley Writers’ Conference, click on the EVENTS tab. Hope to see you somewhere soon! (more…)

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NY Times article and State Department announcement about adoption from Brazil

Wednesday, January 5th, 2011

A fascinating article about assisted reproduction ran in Sunday’s New York Times. Melanie Thernstrom and her husband, Michael, formed their family by using the services of an egg donor and two surrogates. Their two children, Violet and Kieran, were born five days apart. The Thernstroms call them “twiblings.”

Much has been said and written about the article, but most interesting to me is what Ms. Thernstrom writes about adoption. She and her husband considered adopting–after four failed rounds of IVF– but felt the process was too expensive and unpredictable.

I had friends who spent all of their money trying to adopt, only to have things fall through again and again — birth mothers who changed their minds, foreign programs that were discontinued. I researched adoption in China but discovered that the criteria excluded us. When Michael’s parents adopted his sister in the 1970s, there was an abundance of babies in the United States in need of homes, but the widespread use of birth control and abortion, among other factors, has caused the supply of infants available for adoption in the subsequent three decades to plummet to a fraction of what it was then. Knowing that, I was still taken aback by how discouraging one adoption agency was about our prospects for “competing” against other couples. “Most birth mothers do prefer younger women,” the woman informed me. “But you’ll get a letter from your doctor, certifying you are in excellent health for the social worker anyway.”

“Right,” I said, thinking about the arthritic condition that caused the chronic pain I had been struggling with for many years.

This is not the first time I’ve heard or read about prospective parents discouraged from adopting because the process takes too long, is unpredictable, and can be expensive.  Not to mention the lifetime of intrusive questions adoptive parents often endure from observers–“Have you met her ‘real’ mother?” “Are they ‘really’ brother and sister?” “What do you know about her health history?”–and the challenges that may accompany children who have endured the rigors of institutional or foster care for extended periods.  

Adoption is not for everyone. We know that. But wouldn’t it be nice if the “system” didn’t discourage prospective adoptive parents at every turn? Yesterday, I posted a perfect example of this. Families of the Guatemala900 have been waiting four years for their children, who are housed in orphanages. Upon hearing such stories, who can blame someone for deciding adoption is too big a risk? (more…)

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Stalled more than 4 years in Guatemala. One family’s adoption story

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

When I read this story in the Washington Times, my reaction alternated between sorrow and outrage.  Andrea Poe writes:

Anthony Gatto, an attorney, and his wife Megan live outside Albany, New York.  They have been waiting to finalize the adoption of their son Anderson since he was born in October of 2006.  More than four years later, they continue to fight to gain custody of their little boy. 

They are one of the nearly 1,000 American families who have children stranded in Guatemala due to bureaucratic snafus, inter-country glitches and adoption laws that shift like sand beneath their feet.

The Gattos have visited Anderson in Guatemala. The child’s birth mother has gone on record stating her wish that the Gattos adopt him. Back in the States, the couple has done everything in their power to finalize  Anderson’s adoption. They pay $500 per month to an orphanage for his care. Four years later, they are still stuck.  Anthony Gatto writes:

Last May, we attended a Congressional Briefing on the issue that was attended by staff people from over twenty members of Congress.  We are part of a group of parents waiting to adopt children from Guatemala since the new law passed in 2007.  The group is called Guatemala 900 (http://guatemala900.org/wp/). We currently have over 20 Senators (including New York Senators Chuck Schumer and Kirstin Gillibrand) and 10 Representatives (including Rep. Scott Murphy) fighting for the 400 families who have been waiting since January 2008 to adopt a child from Guatemala with stories similar to ours. 

All of these children have been in orphanages for over 2 1/2 years.  These children do not know the joy of a loving family and unless something is done, they will spend the rest of their lives in an orphanage.

Gatto supplies a vivid illustration of what waiting for Anderson since 2006 looks like:  

We have had his nursery fully furnished for almost three years and it only serves as a reminder that we must continue to fight for him because he is our son.  Every day we look down the hall at his room.  His crib is still assembled even though he’s too old and too big to fit in a crib. 

We refuse to take it down until we get him home.  Each year for his birthday and Christmas we buy him presents and wrap them for him when he gets home.  My wife and I celebrate his birthday each year and his closet is now full of presents, waiting for him.

I share the Gattos’ final plea:

We need to bring national attention to this matter in order to bring all of these children home. 

http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/red-thread-adoptive-family-forum/2011/jan/3/not-home-holidays-story-adoption-guatemala/

 

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Mamalita good news

Monday, January 3rd, 2011

When you work on something as long as I worked on writing Mamalita, you develop little incentives to keep yourself going–at least I did. One incentive that motivated me a lot was the hope that someday, somewhere, someone might read our story and react with: “This book has made me think about adoption in a different way.” If that were to happen for even one reader, I would consider my efforts a success.

Today, Paty LQ posted a blog in which she speaks about how Mamalita did exactly that. She picked up the book at Upstart Crow in San Diego, and read passages from it to her husband. Soon after, they came to my presentation at the Santee Public Library, where we chatted about adoption and my experience with it. That same day, they filed foster-adoption paperwork with the County of San Diego. Paty writes:

Until the moment before I started reading the book I felt that parents looking to adopt were victims of a complicated system.  I felt that the system had become a business and that you had to be very careful of people who will try to take advantage of you.  I felt like when I was planning our wedding and all those vendors tried to take advantage of us, and we had to haggle.  Somehow this felt worst, we were talking about a child (life).  I felt that as potential adoptive parents we were doing a great thing and that people working in adoption should take that into consideration.  While some of the things I mention before I still feel are truth, my eye opener was the other side of the story, the mothers that give up their children to adoption.  This part of the story in the book no longer made me feel as a victim.  My feelings started shifting from unfortunate to blessed.  Now I feel grateful…  My husband and I are thinking about having an open adoption.   (more…)

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A new year.

Saturday, January 1st, 2011

When I was a little girl, my youngest sister, Deanna, and I shared a bedroom. On our wall hung a poster of a ballet dancer balanced on one foot, her other leg extended in a gravity-defying arabesque. Along the bottom of the picture was a quote by Goethe: “Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”

As a child, I thought the most important words of Goethe’s quote were “genius” and “power” and “magic.” Since then, I’ve realized that the crucial word is “begin.” Whatever it is: a short-story, an exercise plan, a commitment to a cause,  a journey toward parenthood.

Today starts a new year. Whatever it is. Begin.

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