Archive for November, 2014

Intercountry adoption now

Wednesday, November 26th, 2014

EJ Graff, who writes often about inter-country adoption, authored a summary of its current state as seen through the lens of Ethiopia (mainly). The article is thorough and well-researched, although the title, to me, feels gratuitously offensive: They Steal Babies, Don’t They? (Is that the way to open a productive conversation? With an insult? Note to EJ Graff: You lost a big chunk of your potential audience right there.)

In any case, Graff’s main idea confirms that inter-country adoption, as it was practiced in the past (by some), is over.

“It’s been 14 years since the U.S. Senate ratified our nation’s entry into the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption. Slowly, the State Department and Congress have put into place the rules, regulations, and laws that make it possible to keep open international adoption agencies that do their work carefully and respectfully—while at the same time closing agencies that “find” children for adoption through bribery, deception, coercion, and kidnapping. With the right kind of oversight, international adoption may be able to shed some of its systemic problems. It will never be perfect, but it can return to its roots as a system that finds families for needy children, instead of looking for children to fill families.

“In 2004, the peak year for international adoptions, Americans adopted nearly 23,000 children from other countries, according to the U.S. State Department. For years, those numbers had increased every year, mostly infants and toddlers. By 2012, Americans adopted only 8,668, and a larger proportion were older and special needs—the children who most urgently do need new homes abroad, according to international child welfare experts. And as surprising as it may sound, that’s good news, for families and children around the world.”

My wish for 2015 is that folks who write and think about adoption could acknowledge this paradigm shift and move on to discuss the new challenges in front of us. Such as: The lives of our children who are here now and how they navigate two worlds and cultures; and the lives of present and future children conceived through assisted reproduction and embryo transfer, and their natural and inevitable questions around identity.

Yes, remember the past. Look at the past. Learn from the past. But move on and move forward.

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Thoughts on “Flip the Script”

Friday, November 14th, 2014

A movement to “Flip the Script” on what some people perceive as “pro-adoption” thinking is underway for National Adoption Awareness Month. Following is a quote by Laura Barcella, from the NY Times Motherlode blog: ”

Flip the Script, a new YouTube video by an adoptee writing collective, The Lost Daughters, attempts to combat the damaging cultural narrative that centers exclusively on shiny, happy adoption experiences… For years on end, our culture has whitewashed adoption (both domestic and international), only telling the story from the rapturous perspective of adoptive parents while ignoring the darker realities adopted children can face.”

My reaction on reading: We searched for and found each of our children’s birth mothers, maintain contact, and visit them in Guatemala annually. Thousands of parents of children born in Guatemala (the community with which I am most familiar) do the same.

I may be in the minority (?), but I don’t see adoption simply as a “shiny, happy” experience. Nor do I know anyone who does. Adoption is far, far too complex for that. Adoptive parents like me–I hope–have learned from the experiences and writings of those who have gone before us–adoptees and birth mothers and fathers–as well as by living every day as adoptive parents.

We don’t simplify adoption. Our reality prevents us from simplifying adoption. Sometimes I wonder if people think we don’t “see” the challenges our children face. The struggles imposed on them by adoption. We get it. Or at least I do. And I don’t think I’m alone among adoptive parents.

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Thoughts on “Gotcha Day”

Wednesday, November 5th, 2014

For National Adoption Month, the Huffington Post is running a series of articles on the subject, written by different members of the triad. Here’s a link to a very thoughtful piece by a young woman adopted from China, about the implications of the term “Gotcha Day.” (We don’t use this phrase in our family, just so you know.) The third paragraph is quite profound. Here’s an excerpt:

“Gotcha Day is one of those times when we think about our past and how little some of us actually know about it. We think about our biological parents and wish we knew them and could ask them why they didn’t keep us. We think about what our lives would be like, where would we be, what our futures would look like, had there been no Gotcha Day.”

Gotcha Day Isn’t a Cause for Celebration by Sophie Johnson

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