Archive for June, 2017

Low-residency residency

Wednesday, June 21st, 2017

I’m in LA, midway through the second residency (of four) of my low-residency Antioch MFA program. After this residency ends, I enter the second project period, when I must begin to write the required “Critical Paper.” No surprise that my subject will somehow center around literature and adoption. My ideas are still percolating, but I’m intrigued by the theme of  “Adoption as metaphor versus Adoption as an experience that is literal.” (Speaking only for myself and my family.)

I’m also interested in this question: How has thinking around adoption evolved over time, and is that evolution reflected in its depiction in books, film, story, dialogue, online content?

Here are a few new books I plan to read:

Lucky Boy by Shanthi Sekaran (a boy born in California to an undocumented immigrant from Mexico is adopted by an Indian-American couple).

Everybody’s Son by Thrity Umigar (a 10-year-old boy in the American foster care system is adopted by a privileged couple whose son died).

What Was Mine by Helen Klein Ross (a woman snatches a baby girl from a shopping cart and raises her as her “own” for 20 years before the grown daughter discovers the truth of her origins)

Will  let you know how they are when I finish. ~

 

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My visit with Alice

Wednesday, June 14th, 2017

In April, I posted on my Facebook page that I planned to stop by Flint Michigan on my way to my niece’s college graduation in Boston to see my former St. Rose High School English teacher Alice Lawler. Many former St. Rose students responded, posting their own memories of Alice and sending warmest wishes.

I brought Alice the best gift I could think of: The comments of my fellow St. Rose alums, printed up in a little booklet I made and presented on behalf of us all. Paging through the booklet and reading the words, Alice smiled, guffawed, and wiped away tears. She remembered each person and each story. She positively glowed. We reminisced about students and staff and activities and sporting events, and especially plays: Twelfth Night, Midsummer Night’s Dream, Blithe Spirit, The Glass Menagerie, Mark Twain Tonight. The photos here show Alice at her desk and Alice now, as well as a few of the many images Alice has kept in albums documenting her 30 years as teacher, impresario, inspiration. We are lucky to have known her. xo

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Essay about Nebaj

Sunday, June 11th, 2017

I’m sharing this powerful essay posted on Coldnoon, Walking with Gaspar: Days in Guatemala, by my friend and fellow adoptive mom Gretchen Brown Wright. A few years ago, Gretchen, her son, my sister, my kids and I visited the town of Nebaj, in Guatemala’s western highlands. Along with Chajul and Cotzal, Nebaj is part of the “Ixil Triangle,” an area of great violence during Guatemala’s 36-year civil war.

Gretchen met a tour guide, Gaspar, who took her to the Nebaj cemetery, where thousands of victims of the violence are buried and memorialized. Afterward, shaken and humbled by the experience, Gretchen thanked Gaspar for sharing his knowledge and insight. Gaspar said, “I gave you what I know. Now it’s yours. You must tell this story.”

And so she has.~

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Our front door 2016

Tuesday, June 6th, 2017

Every year when Olivia and I return to Antigua and visit the house where we lived together in 2003, we take a photo of us standing by the front door. Last summer, we forgot to take the picture, or so I thought. I found this on Tim’s phone, from 2016.

Kids hurtle through changes at this age! Here’s Olivia in 2011 and 2013..

And 2003.

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Quinceanera

Friday, June 2nd, 2017

Sunday we celebrated the Quinceaneras of three girls in our group of adoptive families in the San Francisco Bay Area. Glorious! Quinceanera is a celebration of a young Latina woman’s 15th birthday, acknowledging her transition from girl to womanhood. Customs to celebrate Quinces vary from family to family and may include a Catholic Mass, Courts and Groomsmen, mariachis and dancing. The parents in our three families incorporated traditions that resonated for us:

  • The changing of footwear from flat shoes to high heels. (The girls entered in flats and the three mothers helped them change into high heels, a symbol of adulthood.)
  • The exchange of a favorite stuffed animal for a tiara. (The letting go of “childish things.”)
  • A speech addressed to each daughter, delivered by her mother.

I’m grateful to my co-Quinceanera parents, Marie + Ralph and Miriam+ Allen, for contributing ideas, balloons, decorations, cake, and, above all, joyful spirits.

Thanks, too, to adoptive mom Ginny Curtin, for her fabulous photos to record the event, and to everyone in our community–parents, kids, significant others, friends–for sharing this special day. And always, to my husband Tim. xo

Below is the speech I wrote for Olivia.

THOUGHTS ON QUINCEANERA

Back in 2012, Olivia’s birth sister, Lucia, celebrated her Quinceanera. We were in Guatemala on our annual visit and wanted to do something special for the occasion. As is our custom, we went shopping together in the local market, and there we bought for Lucia her Quinceanera outfit: a wraparound skirt, called a corte, woven with hearts; an embroidered blouse called a huipil, made with fine fabric and fancy gold thread; and four-inch high heels I don’t think Olivia’s birth mother was thrilled about, but Lucia absolutely loved.
The experience impressed upon me the importance of Quinceanera, a rite of passage our daughters share with young Latina women around the world, including their home country of Guatemala. It reminded me of the multiple identities my daughter holds: Guatemalan, Maya K’iche, US citizen, person who is adopted. How impressively she navigates all of them—with confidence, intensity, and grace.
Olivia, so many people have helped you become the person you are: compassionate and wise, intelligent and creative. Today we remember and thank them: Your birth mother and father, your grandmother Abuela, the long line of ancestors who have lived in the highlands of Guatemala since before the arrival of Christopher Columbus. Your two foster families, our friends in Guatemala. Your aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, neighbors, grandparents, teachers, coaches, counselors, religious leaders. Our community of adoptive families, gathered here to mark this occasion.
Olivia: As you go forward and walk through life, stand tall and stay strong. Be who you are. Be true to yourself. Remember that many hands hold you up. Don’t let anyone dim your light.
We love you. ~

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