Archive for May, 2014

Annual gathering

Thursday, May 29th, 2014

Memorial Day weekend we hosted our annual barbeque/pot luck for adoptive families with children born in Guatemala. This is our third year hosting this particular party, and in addition to our 65 or so regular guests, several new families attended. How many people, I don’t know. Many! A lot!

People eating on the back decks, chatting in the living room, jumping on the trampoline. In the sun, in the shade, upstairs, downstairs. As we adults visited and caught up, we were thrilled to watch our children run together in packs. The way they “know” each other, recognize each other in a deep way. Even the new kids were absorbed right in. “You’re from Guatemala and you’re adopted? Immediate membership!” This annual party is one of the best days of our year.

Adoption has changed our lives in ways we never anticipated. Am I “grateful”? You bet.


“You’re Not My Real Mother”

Tuesday, May 20th, 2014

I’ve been away for a while–mentally if not physically–but now I’m back. Tina Traster, author the new memoir Rescuing Julia Twice, which I read and admired and should write about, eventually, has penned an essay on the NY Times Motherlode blog, “You’re Not My Real Mother.”

I hope you read Tina’s essay, and the many comments it elicited, including this one, written by me:

Dear Tina,

I appreciate your honesty in sharing your story and reaction. As an adoptive mom to two tweens born in Guatemala, with a large circle of friends who are adoptive moms, I can assure you that your daughter’s statement is normal, on-track developmentally, and–based on my conversations with my adoptive mom friends–inevitable.

We searched for and found both our kids’ birth mothers. Seeing my children with their other moms helps me remember they have a history that started before me, and another family who shares their blood. Maybe it’s that realization that helps me take the “You’re not my real mother!” comment, if not in stride, then with deep empathy. All our kids have suffered loss.

I think your daughter’s comment is beautiful. It shows she trusts you enough to know you’re not going anywhere. That you are her mother forever.