Posts Tagged ‘international adoption’

Semana Santa 2013. Our trip so far.

Tuesday, April 2nd, 2013

 

This week in Antigua for Olivia and me: visits to Guatemala’s Children’s Museum and the National Zoo (both fabulous), marimba players and traditional dancers at the Don Rodrigo in Antigua (impressive!), a tour of the coffee Finca Filadelfia (fascinating to ponder that process), a lesson in chocolate-making as practiced by the ancient Maya at the Choco Museo (enough said), a stop by the kid-friendly Ninos con Bendicion (always fun), and multiple viewings of Antigua’s spectacular alfombras and Semana Santa processions (gorgeous. gorgeous!). All shared with other adoptive parents visiting Guatemala with their kids. How I treasure our community!

Image credit: Anne Z.

 

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Our front door in Antigua

Wednesday, March 27th, 2013

 

Olivia and I in Antigua, and the front door of the house where we lived when I fostered her in 2003.

Us in 2003.

For us, no visit to Antigua is complete without a pilgrimage to this place.

So happy to be here! ~

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New book about international adoption, “Carried in Our Hearts”

Monday, March 18th, 2013

I’m thrilled to announce that Adoption Under One Roof blogger Lisa S has contributed an essay to a new and important book about international adoption, Carried in Our Hearts: The Gift of Adoption – Inspiring Stories of Families Created Across Continents. Authored by Dr. Jane Aronson and published by Tarcher, the book will be released on April 18, and is available for pre-order now, in both hard cover and Kindle formats.

Carried in Our Hearts: The Gift of Adoption comprises a collection of essays written by adoptive parents whose families have been cared for by Dr. Aronson, aka “the orphan doctor,” during the past 20 years. The stories reveal the deep and complex emotions felt by adoptive parents, and will resonate with anyone who has embarked on this transformative journey. The chapters are divided into ten thematic sections–“The Decision,” “The Journey,” “The Moment We Met”–each introduced with an essay by Dr. Aronson. Throughout the book, Dr. Aronson discusses the arc of her life, from pediatrician, to adoptive mother, to founder of the international foundation, Worldwide Orphans; and her ongoing commitment to the “children left behind.”

For each book you purchase before April 18, Tarcher will donate $1 to Worldwide Orphans. Going forward, a portion of the book’s proceeds will continue to benefit the foundation.

Order your copy of Carried in Our Hearts today! I did, and cannot wait to read it. Particularly the contribution by Lisa S!

Congratulations! ~

Image Credit: Tarcher Publishing

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Mateo’s new suit

Friday, March 1st, 2013

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you’ve probably figured out that I’m Catholic, and my husband and I are raising our kids Catholic. What does that mean, exactly? A lot of things, which I won’t go into here because I believe every religion is valid and to be respected, as is the choice of no religion at all, by the way, and I’m not telling this story as a platform to discuss my faith.

No, my reason for bringing up Catholicism is to share the experience of buying for my son Mateo his very own First Holy Communion suit, from the charming purveyor of First Holy Communion suits in the photo above, who practices his fashion genius somewhere in the depths of the municipal mercado in Antigua, Guatemala.

In February 2012, Mateo and I had bought a suit from the same distinguished gent, intending to save it for the Sacrament this April. What we hadn’t counted on was Mateo’s growth spurt, which  steered the original suit pants and jacket dangerously toward clown costume territory.

But try finding the same tailor in the maze of the mercado! My remembered directions sounded like this: “Walk down the right side aisle, through the section with the pirated DVDs, past the candles and flowers and soccer balls, turn left at the section with the raw meat hanging, through the wrapping paper and baskets and candy, past the shoes and wallets and leather belts, beyond the place with the sacks of rice and beans and the guy who sells machetes. Somewhere around that.”

Fortunately, the lady in the First Communion dress section knew exactly where the tailor who sold First Communion suits was headquartered, and she kindly escorted us to the proper stall. Success!

Not shown here are the suit’s handsome complementary items: the white ruffled shirt, the black bow tie. For that, we’ll have to wait for Mateo’s First Holy Communion “big reveal.”

Stay tuned. ~

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Heritage Camp registration opened today

Friday, February 22nd, 2013

Hi Friends:

If you’re thinking of attending Heritage Camp for Adoptive Families in Colorado this June, register soon. The deadline is sometime in April, but the camp fills up fast.

We’ve attended four times, and have loved every minute. As I’ve written before, the camp provides a very specific experience—that of being a child of color, from a different country, adopted to parents who often don’t look like you, among other children and families who share that specific experience. It’s not the same as visiting one’s home country—which Mateo and I are doing now—but in its way, is equally valid. Everyone I know who has attended raves about the camp, and plans to go back. That’s why I urge you to sign up today. ~

Here’s the link.

 

 

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It’s here! The documentary “Stuck”

Wednesday, February 13th, 2013

The long-awaited documentary Stuck, produced by adoptive dad and Both Ends Burning founder Craig Juntunen, is now in theaters across the US in limited screenings. Previously, I wrote about Stuck and Craig Juntunen here and here.

What I love about the movie is that Craig put faces and personal stories to the abtract idea of “children without families, somewhere out there in the world.” I thought I couldn’t cry anymore about adoption, but after watching the film trailer, I know now that I can.

In previous posts, I’ve lamented the lack of leadership in international adoption, and how, among our elected officials, no one seems to be leading the charge. May I please amend that statement? Senator Mary Landrieu advocates for adoption non-stop. She is everywhere, all the time. Certainly in Craig’s film,  but also Skyped into a broadcast I watched recently on Guatemala television, lobbying in Congress, at conferences, and on the ground in countries where adoptive parents continue to wait for their cases to untangle from miles of red tape while their hoped-for children grow up without them. I’m sure I speak for thousands of others when I say “Thank you, Senator Landrieu.”

Last summer, in the days leading toward the fifth anniversary of adoptions being closed in Guatemala, I was so demoralized thinking about the unresolved cases, and the future of the children who live in institutional care, that I despaired of ever seeing change being made. Craig Juntunen’s movie gives me  hope.

Please watch the trailer, share with friends, and check the film’s itinerary. Craig and his team are embarking on a cross-country bus tour, and seek volunteers to help promote the film along the way. Details are on the website.

Onward. ~

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Wall Street Journal on “Cheating the Orphans”

Monday, February 4th, 2013

There’s nothing technically “new” in this clip about Guatemalan adoption, “Cheating the Ophans,” posted by the Wall Street Journal, except for the fact that the Wall Street Journal believes the state of adoption in Guatemala—closed since December 2007, some 100+ cases unresolved, with no signs of reopening—deserves to be recognized. As far as I’m concerned, that’s new enough, and great news, building on a recent spate of articles that question the wide-scale closure of adoption programs with no exit strategy or “Plan B” in place.

First, in December, a front-page article about the Guatemala 900 in the New York Times, then protests in Russia by Russian citizens who disagree with Putin’s decision to stop adoptions to the US, followed by a story about the Krygrz 65 in Time magazine, and now, an editorial and news clip by the Wall Street Journal. Maybe this critical mass of media coverage will lead to meaningful reform and the reopening of programs long closed. 

In the clip where she is shown discussing the situation in Guatemala, Mary Anastasia O’Grady, “The Americas” columnist for the WSJ, registers the incredulity common to people who operate in a world of logic and sense: She cites the “high number” of children living in orphanages, at the same time that “loving homes” await them. Why is this allowed to happen? O’Grady wants to know. She states that the waiting families of the Guatemala 900 are emblematic of a broader problem: “You have children who the mother can’t take of, and parents–plenty of them–who want them… The net effect is that these children are basically institutionalized. I think that is a crime.”

Ms. Grady, so do a lot of other people.

In the video clip, which I urge you to watch, O’Grady touches on the subject of the State Department, giving the bureaucracy props for trying, while noting that its pace is “glacial.” She also observes that children with special needs are “especially harmed” by adoption closures because many US adoptive parents, unlike adoptive parents elsewhere, will specifically adopt children with special needs. (To which I would add my observation and experience that every child who has been institutionalized or in foster care has “special needs,” although that is a subject too complicated to address here.)

Finally, O’Grady comments on a “horrible prejudice… that a child born in Guatemala can’t grow up in New Jersey.” I loved hearing her say a “horrible prejudice,” because of course that particular argument is used over and over again by people who are anti-international adoption.

Watching this clip reminds me that many people who don’t “live” in the world of international adoption view adoption as a loving, permanent, and straightforward solution that makes sense. What they don’t understand is why, in this great big world of ours filled with smart people, nobody can seem to devise a way to make it work.

 Me, either.

 

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On surrogacy and adoption, and the Superbowl

Friday, February 1st, 2013

For a long time, I’ve been thinking about the relationship between adoption and other methods of forming a family that don’t involve the tried-and-true “become pregnant and deliver a baby” scenario—embryo transfer, artificial insemination, gestational surrogacy. From my personal experience, people who wish to become parents will find a way, regardless of the obstacles. More power to them!

Because of my long-standing interest in this subject, I was happy to read Bundle of Joy: The Costs of Adoption vs. Surrogacy in Fox Business News. Third-party reproduction and adoption are usually viewed as separate subjects, but in fact, they represent different points on a wide spectrum. My only quibble with the article is the ease with which the writer claims one can adopt from foster care. As many veterans of the system agree, foster-adopt can be a long and convoluted procedure. One friend, an adoptive mother to a daughter from Guatemala who is trying to foster-adopt in California, said the California system made Guatemala’s look straightforward. Not that this should dissuade anyone.

If you’re interested, check out Creating a Family’s recent post, It’s Complicated; It’s Uncomfortable; It’s Doable; It’s Important–Talking With Older Kids About Donor Egg, Sperm, or Embryo. As usual, this blog offers many helpful suggestions and links.

Finally, it’s Superbowl weekend and I may be the only person in the San Francisco Bay Area who doesn’t plan to watch the game. I don’t even know the rules to football! My high school had basketball and soccer teams, and although I was a cheerleader (yes, really), and am familiar with the full-court press, I never got around to learning about first downs, flags on the field, and whatever else one is supposed to have absorbed as a US citizen. My husband will be watching, though, and for his sake I’ll say, “Go Niners!”

 

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Our adoption peeps

Wednesday, January 30th, 2013

One of the best parts of writing a book about adoption is that I get to meet a lot of people connected to adoption. Two years ago at Heritage Camp in Colorado, I met my now-friend, Caroline, who said she, like me, lived in the Bay Area, and would I be interested in attending a meeting of her adoption-group book club to discuss Mamalita?

Naturally, I accepted. (And by the way, if you live anywhere remotely close and would like me to talk with your book club, please send an email because of course I will!)

When I arrived, the most lovely, smart, and interesting array of women welcomed me into their fold for an afternoon chat-fest. The conversation started with my book, but soon drifted to their stories and journeys; feelings about parenthood, children and families; and our lives now. You know how, occasionally, you meet someone and you just “get” each other? This rarely happens for me. When it does, I pounce.

“Are you accepting new members?” I asked. “Because if you are, I’m in.”

Tim, Olivia, Mateo, and I have been meeting with the organization for more than a year now, once a month, usually at someone’s home. Everyone brings food to share. We mingle, nosh, and catch up for about an hour while our children run around, then a small band of hardy souls—Dads, mostly, but also Moms–herd the kids to a backyard or playground for another two hours while the book club dissects the latest selection. Afterwards, we re-assemble for dessert.

The absolute best part of belonging to the group is watching our children’s friendships develop. Both Olivia and Mateo love to play with the other girls and boys, not only because they’re all adopted from Central America, although that’s a wonderful benefit, but because they have fun.

Last Saturday, one of our number, Michele, hosted our big annual gathering at her family’s church. Another member, Dara, constructed a homemade pinata to represent a Guatemalan bus, and everyone brought food, crafts, and good cheer. Our fearless leader, Sheryl, organized.

Wherever you live, find a community! If one doesn’t exist, create one. That’s what my friend Cindy Swatek did in Missouri, with her fantastic MOGUATE. Trust me: the effort, schedule reshuffling, and travel time will be forgotten as you sink into the comfort that comes from being among people who share the specific experience of being touched by adoption.

 

 

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Nature girl

Monday, January 28th, 2013

For years, I’ve known that my daughter Olivia, more than the average kid, loves bugs, flowers, birds, and trees. My husband appreciates nature, too, but his interest veers toward the scientific— “How much sun exposure do we need to optimize our strawberries, raspberries, lemons, and tomatoes? What level of water?”—while, I alas, remain hopelessly suburban: the one who hikes on the marked trail that ends at the warming hut, and opts for the cabin instead of the tent.

No, Olivia’s love of nature is DNA-deep. It comes from her biological family. On one of our first visits with Olivia’s birth mom and grandma, I watched with delight as three generations laughed out loud at the antics of a small hopping sparrow, and clapped their hands at the beauty of a rock formation. One possible explanation is that, in the small highland village where her relatives have lived for centuries, careful observation equals survival. Another could be that they are a family of natural-born artists. Whatever the reason, that keen ability to see is hard-wired, and Olivia possesses it.

I became more aware of this special talent last weekend, when my friend Nina invited us to Slide Ranch, a self-sustaining farm perched on the jagged cliffs of the Northern California coast. We kids and adults enjoyed running around, checking out the chickens and goats and bee hives and compost pile, and searching for hidden objects on Nina’s scavenger hunt. But as Nina observed, the wild, dramatic setting and fresh salt air opened up something new and different in Olivia. It felt as if  simply being there allowed my daughter to settle into a place of deep peace, a reverie of happiness.

As an adoptive parent, I’m reminded often that our children are who they are. They come to us that way. Part of the joy of being my children’s mother is discovering, and honoring, each new layer.

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