Posts Tagged ‘Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir’

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Reading at The Regulator and dinner at Sharon’s

Friday, January 21st, 2011

Wednesday night I had an amazing reading at The Regulator Bookshop in Durham, North Carolina. Amazing, first, because The Regulator is such a charming, friendly independent bookstore, with a huge inventory of books for readers of all ages. And second, because the audience was so insightful about adoption. Nearly everyone contributed at least one question or comment–on subjects ranging from the politics of name-changing, to media coverage about international adoption and how it affects our children, to the possibility of our children wanting to return to Guatemala permanently.

I’m grateful to my husband’s colleague, Neil Prose, and his wife, who invited me to Durham, and to fellow adoptive mother, Marcie Pachino and her daughter, for making me feel so welcome.

Last evening, Sharon McCarthy hosted a dinner for me with her book group at her home in Washington, DC. Sharon and I met the first day of high school, in homeroom, and have been friends ever since. The members of her book group are as fabulous as she is. Here are a few photos. Thank you, Sharon!

I just arrived in 30th Station Philadelphia via Amtrak. Tonight, I read at the Borders in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania. The Mamalita Book Tour has turned out to be a great opportunity to reconnect with friends. What a bonus! More later~

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Book groups, a blog review, and conversations about motherhood

Friday, January 14th, 2011

If you belong to a book group, I hope you will consider choosing Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir as one of your selections. Here’s what two friends wrote about reactions from their membership:

Our Book Group started in October 1997…  We have now read 134 books, yours being the 134th.  We have read classics, non-fiction, contemporary works and books recently written by acquaintances.  Last night we had by far the most intense, intimate, lengthy discussion of a book – everyone loved it. 

And:

Mamalita led to one of the best and most substantive book group discussions  we’ve had in our 10-year history – especially since everyone loved the book and there wasn’t anything to disagree about! It was amazing that the book seemed to resonate equally among the mothers, the adoptive mothers, and the non-mothers. And surprising how many people we all know who’ve been touched in some way by adoption.

If you loved the book, please suggest the title to your book club. Some sixty percent of Americans report being touched by adoption in some way. Chances are that some of those people are in your book group, and would also enjoy the read.

I’m pleased to link to this blog, Thighs & Offerings: Everyday Efforts at Embodied Spirituality, which reviewed Mamalita in terms of its theme of motherhood. Mamalita‘s first chapter opens with this sentence:  “I’ve never given birth, but I know the exact moment when I became a mother: 10 A.M., September 6, 2002.”  That was the day I met my daughter, the baby who would become Olivia, for the first time.

In her her blog post, Kate writes:

Mamalita is, according to Publishers Weekly, “[H]arrowing and moving…deftly handled.” And I agree. But as a young woman beginning to consider the possibility of one day becoming a mother myself, it is not only the enjoyment that I experience in reading a “deftly handled” memoir, but also the thought, conversation, and questions that such a memoir provokes that, to me, make O’Dwyer’s book worth reading. One such question has persisted, and has found its way into conversations even now, long after I finished the book. When, I have wondered time and time again, does a woman become a mother?

I’m a person who believes that we learn by asking questions and discussing. How wonderful that, for some people who have shared their views with me, reading Mamalita initiates that process.

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Mamalita in the Washington Times

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

A few days ago, Andrea Poe of the Washington Times interviewed me about Mamalita for the paper’s section called “The Red Thread: An Adoptive Family Forum.” As a great admirer of Poe’s support for adoption, I was incredibly honored when she told me she loved my book, and that her profile of me and our story would run in her column on January 11, 2011. Readers of this blog may remember my comments on the piece Poe ran on the Gatto Family, whose case has been stalled in Guatemala since the closure of adoption in December 2007. In another piece, titled “UNICEF’s effective attack on inter-country adoption,” Poe wrote about why the stated policy of the organization founded to help children often does the opposite. Andrea Poe writes the kind of articles about adoption that I want to read.

In the article about Mamalita, Poe writes:

The process to finalize the adoption should have taken a few months.  Instead, it began to drag on without clear answers.   When O’Dwyer reached out to her adoption agency, she would be told they were trying, things were difficult and to be patient.

“I would be heart-broken when I went down to Guatemala to visit Olivia and find her strapped into a stroller in front of the TV,” recalls O’Dwyer.  “The foster parents weren’t bad people, they had other children and they had signed up as foster parents to a baby and Olivia was growing up. Time was going by and Olivia wasn’t growing up with us.  Her attachment was to her foster parents.”

That’s when O’Dwyer made the decision to move to Guatemala, even while Tim stayed back in California.  “I really had no choice.  I wanted to raise my daughter,” she explains.

She rented a home in a town called Antigua, a community where several expats were located, all mothers who had moved down to Guatemala to live with their children, also caught in bureaucratic limbo.  The good news was that the American parents were permitted to keep their children with them as the paperwork dragged through the system, but the bad news was that there was no streamlined process that afforded these families any sense of security.  “I actually faced the fact that I might have to live in Guatemala until Olivia turned 18,” says O’Dwyer.

Poe ends the article with this:

When asked for advice for other parents stuck where she was, waiting and wondering if they will ever be able to bring their kids home, [O’Dwyer] offers this: “Do the very best you can and be active.  My goal was to do one thing every single day that forwarded my goal, even a small thing.  Lobby and advocate officials for change, and when outraged write letters.  Most importantly, don’t give up.”

Read Andrea Poe’s article here. If you have an opinion about it, please post a comment on “The Red Thread: An Adoptive Family Forum” site. And here, too, of course!

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Cultural awareness and Guatemala news

Tuesday, January 11th, 2011

As an adoptive parent to two children born in Guatemala, I’m often asked how I keep our children’s culture alive. After first repeating how important culture-keeping is for our family, I list some of what we do: Study Spanish, collect and study Guatemalan arts and crafts, follow Guatemalan politics and current events, listen to Latin music, eat Central American food, attend culture camp, visit Guatemala.

But is this enough? I often wonder what else I can do to keep my children’s birth culture alive.

That’s why I was very happy to find a related article by first-generation, Colombian-Argentine writer Jennifer Lubrani, a contributor to Travelojos, The Latin American Travel Blog. In the piece, “My New Year’s Resolution: Get Cultured,” Lubrani describes the five ways she vows to learn more about her culture this year.

Learn the language.
Dance.
Celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month.
Comida, por favor.
Read.

Reading Lubrani’s list made me feel better about our efforts. Except for studying Latin dance, we are doing everything she recommends. (2011 may be the year we finally sign up for salsa.) It was also nice for me to read that even for Lubrani, growing up in a Spanish-speaking home with two biological parents, culture-keeping remains a challenge. Another good point Lubrani makes is that each Latin culture is unique, different from every other. Guatemala is not Mexico, nor is it Costa Rica. Lubrani writes:

I’m a first-generation Colombiana/Argentina. My parents migrated to New York from South America many años ago. Growing up, I was fortunate enough to have parents who taught and encouraged my siblings and I to keep traditions and customs from their homelands.

As a result, I’m bilingual and I can speak to you as if I were a bonafide “Rola” from Bogota or transition into sprinkling lots of “che” into my conversations as if I were a native Porteña from Argentina.

I’ve also come to appreciate the many traditions that are shared between both countries such as a passion for fútbol or making sure family comes above all else. However, I’ve also learned cultural aspects that make these two countries seem worlds apart.

Read the article here. (more…)

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Mamalita in Marin and a movie on FOX

Saturday, January 8th, 2011

It’s an accident of fate that I fell in love with a man who happens to live in one the most active literary communities in the United States. Marin County is home to countless book clubs, writing groups, and bookstores, as well as innumerable workshops and classes in the art and craft of writing. Every night of the week, you could attend a reading or book launch somewhere in Marin, if only you had more time.  

This week, my local independent newspaper, the Pacific Sun, published a round-up of books by Marin authors, and, I’m proud to report, included Mamalita. Read the article here, or if you’re local, pick up your free copy at newsstands now. Here’s a short excerpt, written by Dani Burlson:

Revealing the often corrupt and nerve-racking challenges of international adoption, O’Dwyer carries readers through wild goose chases, misdirections and endless ups and downs—at times Mamalita reads more like an action-adventure travel memoir, making it difficult to put down.

Despite the prevalent theme of adoption and the subsequent nightmare that O’Dwyer and her husband lived through for nearly two years, Mamalita is, more than anything else, the story of a personal and transformative journey. O’Dwyer is introduced to her own strength, the power and importance of community and the bottomless reservoir of love that parents hold for their children. Witnessing her vigor unfolding with the turn of each page keeps the reader cheering her on from the sidelines. Her love, courage and dedication is heroic, but not all that surprising. After all, she’s a mother.

The same article also features the third volume of the West Marin Review, published through a collaboration among the Tomales Bay Library Association, Point Reyes Books, and volunteers. The final chapter of Mamalita, “Meeting Ana,” is included in the issue. The West Marin Review will host a launch party on Sunday, January 23 from 1 to 4 p.m. at the Red Barn in Point Reyes. Check the WMR website for details.

A few weeks ago, author, speaker, and radio host Patricia V. Davis interviewed Cathy Edgett and me for her Harlots’ Sauce Radio. Cathy spoke about her memoir, Breast Strokes: Two Friends Journal through the Unexpected Gift of Cancer, while I discussed adoption from Guatemala in Mamalita. Patricia asked excellent and probing questions. Hope you will give the podcast a listen.

Recently I received this announcement from an organization called Moms4FamilyTV, whose stated goal is to “promote high-quality family friendly entertainment that the entire family can watch together.” The initiative is sponsored by Walmart and P&G. The next film, Change of Plans, airs tonight,  January 8th 8/7c on FOX. I haven’t had a chance to preview it, but here’s the description:

This heart-warming, funny film surrounds a married couple with no kids, who–through unfortunate events –ends up adopting four kids from Africa, Asia, and South America. The film reveals how fulfilling life can be when you look beyond your own plans and invest in the lives of others. The film is also very pro-adoption!

Airs tonight, January 8th at 8/7c on FOX. Watch the trailer here.

Today, I’m en route to New Mexico for two readings in the Mamalita Book Tour. My friend Bethany is there, and I’ll get to meet in person Kim Lopez, who performed the necessary and laborious task of correcting my Spanish in the final edit of Mamalita. (Thank you, Kim!) My plan is also to connect with some adoptive families who live in Santa Fe and Albuquerque.

Here are the venues–Looking forward to it!

Sunday, January 9, 2011 at 2 p.m
Collected Works Bookstore
202 Galisteo Street
Santa Fe, NM 87501
505-988-4226

Tuesday, January 11, 2011, at 7 p.m.
Bookworks
4022 Rio Grande Boulevard NW
Albuquerque, NM 87107
505-344-8139

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Stalled more than 4 years in Guatemala. One family’s adoption story

Tuesday, January 4th, 2011

When I read this story in the Washington Times, my reaction alternated between sorrow and outrage.  Andrea Poe writes:

Anthony Gatto, an attorney, and his wife Megan live outside Albany, New York.  They have been waiting to finalize the adoption of their son Anderson since he was born in October of 2006.  More than four years later, they continue to fight to gain custody of their little boy. 

They are one of the nearly 1,000 American families who have children stranded in Guatemala due to bureaucratic snafus, inter-country glitches and adoption laws that shift like sand beneath their feet.

The Gattos have visited Anderson in Guatemala. The child’s birth mother has gone on record stating her wish that the Gattos adopt him. Back in the States, the couple has done everything in their power to finalize  Anderson’s adoption. They pay $500 per month to an orphanage for his care. Four years later, they are still stuck.  Anthony Gatto writes:

Last May, we attended a Congressional Briefing on the issue that was attended by staff people from over twenty members of Congress.  We are part of a group of parents waiting to adopt children from Guatemala since the new law passed in 2007.  The group is called Guatemala 900 (http://guatemala900.org/wp/). We currently have over 20 Senators (including New York Senators Chuck Schumer and Kirstin Gillibrand) and 10 Representatives (including Rep. Scott Murphy) fighting for the 400 families who have been waiting since January 2008 to adopt a child from Guatemala with stories similar to ours. 

All of these children have been in orphanages for over 2 1/2 years.  These children do not know the joy of a loving family and unless something is done, they will spend the rest of their lives in an orphanage.

Gatto supplies a vivid illustration of what waiting for Anderson since 2006 looks like:  

We have had his nursery fully furnished for almost three years and it only serves as a reminder that we must continue to fight for him because he is our son.  Every day we look down the hall at his room.  His crib is still assembled even though he’s too old and too big to fit in a crib. 

We refuse to take it down until we get him home.  Each year for his birthday and Christmas we buy him presents and wrap them for him when he gets home.  My wife and I celebrate his birthday each year and his closet is now full of presents, waiting for him.

I share the Gattos’ final plea:

We need to bring national attention to this matter in order to bring all of these children home. 

http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/red-thread-adoptive-family-forum/2011/jan/3/not-home-holidays-story-adoption-guatemala/

 

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Mamalita good news

Monday, January 3rd, 2011

When you work on something as long as I worked on writing Mamalita, you develop little incentives to keep yourself going–at least I did. One incentive that motivated me a lot was the hope that someday, somewhere, someone might read our story and react with: “This book has made me think about adoption in a different way.” If that were to happen for even one reader, I would consider my efforts a success.

Today, Paty LQ posted a blog in which she speaks about how Mamalita did exactly that. She picked up the book at Upstart Crow in San Diego, and read passages from it to her husband. Soon after, they came to my presentation at the Santee Public Library, where we chatted about adoption and my experience with it. That same day, they filed foster-adoption paperwork with the County of San Diego. Paty writes:

Until the moment before I started reading the book I felt that parents looking to adopt were victims of a complicated system.  I felt that the system had become a business and that you had to be very careful of people who will try to take advantage of you.  I felt like when I was planning our wedding and all those vendors tried to take advantage of us, and we had to haggle.  Somehow this felt worst, we were talking about a child (life).  I felt that as potential adoptive parents we were doing a great thing and that people working in adoption should take that into consideration.  While some of the things I mention before I still feel are truth, my eye opener was the other side of the story, the mothers that give up their children to adoption.  This part of the story in the book no longer made me feel as a victim.  My feelings started shifting from unfortunate to blessed.  Now I feel grateful…  My husband and I are thinking about having an open adoption.   (more…)

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A new year.

Saturday, January 1st, 2011

When I was a little girl, my youngest sister, Deanna, and I shared a bedroom. On our wall hung a poster of a ballet dancer balanced on one foot, her other leg extended in a gravity-defying arabesque. Along the bottom of the picture was a quote by Goethe: “Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”

As a child, I thought the most important words of Goethe’s quote were “genius” and “power” and “magic.” Since then, I’ve realized that the crucial word is “begin.” Whatever it is: a short-story, an exercise plan, a commitment to a cause,  a journey toward parenthood.

Today starts a new year. Whatever it is. Begin.

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Adoption Today: “Inside Guatemalan Orphanages” by Leceta Chisholm Guibault

Thursday, December 30th, 2010

When I was asked to get a back-cover endorsement for Mamalita from someone prominent in the adoption field, I didn’t think twice before approaching Leceta Chisholm Guibault. Leceta is a person admired and respected by me and many others in the Guatemalan adoption community and beyond: the adoptive mother to two teens born in Central America, a former board member of the Adoption Council of Canada, an Adoption Activist award- winner, and a staff member of the TIES program (Adoptive Families Homeland Journeys).  During the years I’ve been involved in adoption myself, I have read and benefited from Leceta’s magazine articles and postings in which she shares her experiences and insights.

Leceta is currently a Canadian regional partner for Orphan Resources International, an American nonprofit organization that supports some 55 orphanages in Guatemala. During the past two years, she has led more than 150 Canadian volunteers on six separate service trips. In  an article titled “A View from the Trenches: Inside Guatemalan Orphanages,” in the December issue of Adoption Today, Leceta shares her impressions of what she has seen and felt. Or as she says in the article’s introduction, “what keeps me awake at night and why I continue to provide aid to children in Guatemala.” As usual, she tells her story with compassion, honesty, and bravery.  

Adoption Today is published online only. The $12 subscription fee is money well-spent for anyone interested in the current state of international and transracial adoption. Leceta writes:

Most homes share the same issues– overcrowding. Many are filled with abandoned infants, as well as children in care due to severe abuse and neglect. Infants were arriving if not daily, weekly. At Fundaninos orphanage, the infants we met in 2009 are now toddlers. Another home we volunteer for is a baby home with 50-60 children, the majority being infants and young toddlers. Every time I visit, bassinets are full with newborn to 5-month-olds…

In May, I walked into one of the three overcrowded nurseries and fell to my knees… I sobbed. There were babies everywhere being fed by propped bottles. Don’t get me wrong — it was a beautiful, clean and loving home. The home receives a lot of clothing donations… The problem is, it’s overcrowded. There are not enough caregivers — during one visit there were 37 infants with two nannies. It was an assembly line of diaper changes and bottle propping… The children were craving attention and happy just to be held. I brought 23 volunteers and even holding two children each there were little ones waiting for their turn. These children need parents… (more…)

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Johnnie Walker does the right thing

Tuesday, December 28th, 2010

My friend, Mark McCauslin, who lives in New York City, alerted me to an advertisement he saw in the subway for Johnnie Walker Black. He posted about it on the Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir page on Facebook. Mark wrote:

I was in the NY subway earlier today when I remembered your blog entry about “adoption as a punchline,” referring to an offensive Sony ad. This time I came across an ad for Johnnie Walker Black; the copy reads: “We only shake hands. We call each other once a month max. I still think you’re adopted. And although I’d rather streak across a crowded stadium than tell you this – you’re a great little brother.” The ad implies that an adopted brother is somehow “less than” one who is genetically related. You’ve opened my eyes to this sort of thoughtlessness, and I hope you continue to fight the fight!

Like Mark, I was offended by the ad.  I went to the Johnnie Walker website to track down the person to whom I should complain, but the only address I could find was one for  “consumer care,” in the corporate parent company, Diageo. Discouraged, I sent an email anyway, with the subject line “Offensive Advertising”:

A friend directed me to an ad for Johnnie Walker Black in a NYC subway… As an adoptive mother to two children, I find this ad offensive. Why? Because it implies that an adopted brother is somehow “less than” one who is genetically related. Why do your ad writers think this is funny? Some 60% of Americans report a connection to adoption. Imagine how they–or, worse, adopted children–feel when reading your ad.

Please send me the name and email address of your company president so I can direct my complaint. Thank you very much.

Today, I received this marvelous response from Johnny Walker Consumer Representative Natasha K:

Thank you for writing to us with your concerns. Diageo is a leader in responsible marketing, and as such, we take this issue very seriously. 

The holiday advertisement for Johnnie Walker was not intended to be insulting and we apologize for any offense it may have caused. This advertisement has very limited, regional distribution in a small number of commuter locations. It will not appear in print, on television or online and will end as of December 31. If a similar ad concept becomes possible for use in the future, the Johnnie Walker brand team has committed that this reference will be removed.

We hope this addresses your concerns. Thank you for bringing this issue to our attention.

Thank you, Mark, for being offended by the ad and calling it out. For anyone else out there bothered by how adoption is represented in the media or elsewhere, write a letter, post a blog, pick up the phone, take a stand. As the philosopher Ovid once said, “Dripping hollows out rock.” Change does come, if enough people make noise about what bothers them.

I know what I’ll be drinking on New Year’s Eve. Cheers to Johnnie Walker for doing the right thing.

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