Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas from our family to yours!
Three generations.
Tia Lolly and Mateo.
My Mom and Dad.
Happy New Year, too!~
Posts Tagged ‘Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir’
Season’s Greetings!
Friday, December 24th, 2010
ShareThisHoliday mode
Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010The last day of school before winter break meant holiday parties in classrooms around the country, including those of Mateo and Olivia. I attended both.
Mateo was proud of his gingerbread house, made from graham crackers, candy canes, and chocolate, held together by cupcake frosting sprayed out of a can. Later, he constructed a reindeer ornament from popsicle sticks, and drew a picture of a snowman wearing a colorful striped scarf.
After Mateo’s party was over, I made my way to Olivia’s school. In her classroom, each student had been asked to make a presentation on his or her ethnic heritage, followed by a potluck lunch comprising food from each child’s background. The meal demonstrated the great diversity of California’s population, with dishes from Ireland, Norway, Mexico, Italy, Wales, Cuba, and Iran. Olivia spoke with confidence about being indigenous Maya and Guatemalan, and explained how tortillas are made. Her fellow students enjoyed seeing the Guatemalan flag and a picture of the country’s official bird, the beautiful and elusive quetzal, depicted in the flag’s central field as well as on the cover of Olivia’s Guatemala ABC’s book. Below, Olivia is holding her favorite hackysack ball, a common sight in Guatemala, shaped like a frog.
The next morning, we set off on a road trip to visit grandparents and family in San Diego. With pit stops and delays because of rain, the drive took nearly eleven hours. But with my sister Patrice along and Shakira’s music blasting from the CD player, nobody seemed to mind. We arrived in San Diego in holiday mode, ready to sleep late and slow down.
“Mamalita” readings past and future
Thursday, December 16th, 2010
People in Boston read a lot. And they don’t let a little thing like cold weather slow them down. I say this as a Californian who reads less than she’d like to, and who also believes that 50 degrees is frigid.
What a great time I had discussing Mamalita at Borders in Boston last Sunday. The evening began well when my sister Deanna found a parking spot at the curb in front of the store–her parking karma is amazing–and continued when Borders manager John Gunderson greeted me with a smile and said he was also from Northern California. He laughed when he saw the size of my parka–I wore two, actually–but told me he understood.
My friends came out to say hello. From my museum days in San Diego and Los Angeles, Diana Gaston and Ulrika Brand, now transplanted to New England.
From my days in New Jersey, Megan, a former student at my mother’s dance studio. (Megan’s mom, Mary, also studied tap with my mom; Mary’s group called themselves “BOTS” for Benevolent Order of Tap Stars.)
My friend, Sena, the sister of our former au pair, Nur, came too. Not to mention colleagues of my husband, Tim; my fellow writer and fan of Antigua, Guatemala, Christina Zarobe; and some wonderful adoptive moms whom I met for the first time. We shared our views on adoption, parenting, and Guatemala. I always learn by listening to others.
Thank you to John Gunderson, Borders Books, and everyone who braved the elements to share the experience.
I’ve added two more venues to my reading tour: the Belvedere-Tiburon Library and the Redwood City Public Library, both in California.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011 at 7:30 p.m.
Belvedere-Tiburon Library
1501 Tiburon Blvd.
Tiburon, CA 94920
415-789-2665
Saturday, February 5, 2011 at 2 p.m.
Redwood City Public Library
Downtown Library Fireplace Room
1044 Middlefield Road
Redwood City, CA 94063
650-780-7018
For other Mamalita Book Tour readings and dates, click on the EVENTS tab. Hope to see you soon!
Beverly Public Library in Beverly, Mass.
Friday, December 10th, 2010
Last night, I got to read at the Beverly Public Library in Beverly, Massachusetts. It’s a beautiful building, made with the kind of thick, heavy stones that are designed to last. Outside, the air was frigid, but in the meeting room downstairs, the ambience was cozy and warm. My sister, Deanna, her husband David, and their three girls were there, as were an adoptive mom with her son born in Guatemala, a woman who leads art tours and volunteers at Hermano Pedro in Antigua, and a mother to two girls from China. One couple was considering adoption and wanted to hear what I had to say. Others knew adoptive families. Some people had read the book and loved it. A handful were simply curious. Everyone was incredibly nice.
A local independent bookstore, The Book Shop of Beverly Farms, supplied copies of Mamalita, and my sister Deanna sold every one of them. Thanks, De! Thank you, too, to Anna Langstaff, Assistant Director of the Beverly Library, for setting up the lovely event, for posting it on the library website, and listing it in the local newspaper.
Hearing other people’s stories and thoughts about adoption has been a profound experience. I feel very privileged.
Borders Reading in Fairfield, CT
Thursday, December 9th, 2010
Yesterday, my sister Deanna and I drove from her home near Boston to the Borders Bookstore in Fairfield, Connecticut, where I did a Mamalita reading last evening. A big thank you to Borders store manager, Craig Kennedy, shown above, and his fantastic staff, as well as to everyone who attended.
The prize for farthest distance driven goes to the women from my building on Christopher Street, in Greenwich Village, NYC, where we lived during our early twenties. Heidi, Laura, Lisa, and Jenny: Thank you for making the evening so special. Afterwards, the group treated Deanna and me to a lovely dinner at a nearby Italian restaurant. We spent the hours laughing and catching up on our lives since the last time we’ve been together–a trip to New York in 2004, soon after Olivia first arrived in the U.S.
Here I am with Janet Brogan, my sister Patrice’s college roommate, who also happens to be an adoptive mom. Janet suggested I read at the Borders in Fairfield and I’m so grateful she did: it was great to see her again, meet her book group friends in the audience (a few adoptive moms to daughters from China), and to spend some time in the warm atmosphere of the Borders Books in Fairfield.
Tonight, Thursday, at 7:30 p.m., I’m reading at the Beverly Public Library in Beverly, Massachusetts, and on Sunday, at 6 p.m., at the Borders Bookstore on Boylston Street in Boston. I’m loving my time spent on the East coast.
Pix from readings in Santee and with the Writing Mamas at Book Passage
Tuesday, December 7th, 2010
This past Sunday night, I spoke at the monthly meeting of the Writing Mamas Salon at Book Passage in Corte Madera, California. Along with me were my friends, Cindy Bailey, author of The Fertile Kitchen Cookbook, and Li Miao Lovett, author of In the Lap of the Gods. The three of us met at a Writing Mamas meeting some years ago, each of us passionate about our stories and looking for support in our efforts to tell them. What a thrill it was to share the joy of publication with one another, with other group members, and with Writing Mamas founder, Dawn Yun.
In a previous blog post, I wrote about speaking (and crying) at the Santee Public Library in San Diego last Friday. Here’s a photo from that day, with two of my friends and former colleagues, Penny Taylor and Mary Johnson. The zippered bags we are holding are from Guatemala, as is my turquoise necklace. The photo was taken by another friend from the museum group, Tomoko Kuta.
The photo with Tomoko turned out a little blurry, but I was very happy and grateful she–and everyone else–was there to share the day.
On Wednesday, December 8 at 7 p.m., I read at the Borders Bookstore in Fairfield, Connecticut. On Thursday, December 9 at 7:30 p.m., I’m at the Beverly Library. And on Sunday December 12, in Boston at the Borders on Boylston Street at 6 p.m.
If you’re in the area, please stop by to say hello. I’d love to chat with you about Guatemala, adoption, and Mamalita.
Up next, Boston; and a book giveaway
Monday, December 6th, 2010I just got the kids off to the bus stop and in a few minutes leave for SFO to fly to Boston. Luckily, my sister Deanna and her husband, David, and their three girls will be waiting for me on the other side. This means I can pack light, as Deanna will lend me anything I need to wear. One of the many, many benefits of having sisters.
In case you live in Boston or Fairfield, Connecticut and can join me at a reading, please click on the EVENTS tab above to check my schedule.
Mamalita is the subject of another book giveaway. This one is on Marjolein’s Book Blog. Click here for Marjolein’s review of the book, an interview with me, and details on how to enter. My fingers are crossed that you will win!
Here’s a small excerpt from the review to entice you to read more.
Off to Boston!
Tell us a bit about how Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir was started. When did you know you wanted to write down your story about adoption? Seven years ago, I was living in Antigua, Guatemala with my then fifteen-month-old daughter, Olivia, whom my husband I and had been trying to adopt for a year. I wasn’t the only American would-be mother living there. We were a group of eight. And every day, as we sat around obsessing over our cases and a bureaucracy we couldn’t seem to navigate, the other mothers used to say, “Somebody needs to write a book about this.”
My entire life I’d been searching for the one story I had to tell. Even as I was living the experience, I knew Olivia’s adoption saga was it.
During the book, the reader gets a real good inside look on the adoption process in Guatemala. What surprised you the most about the adoption process, what turned out differently than you expected? What surprised me most about the adoption process is how varied it can be for different people. The paperwork is daunting for everybody, but if you’ve signed on with a good agency, the process is straightforward and relatively easy. If, on the other hand, you get involved with one that’s like ours, you better brace yourself for a bumpy ride.
I never expected to quit my job and move to Antigua and finish the adoption myself. I never dreamed I’d get an insider’s look at what goes on behind closed doors. What outraged me most was the degree to which the welfare of children is ignored, by allowing cases to go on and on for months or years on end. Every day that a child languishes in an orphanage or foster care, without one-on-one love and attention, is a day he will pay for later, physically and emotionally.
What have you enjoyed most about the adoption? My children—Olivia, now eight and Mateo, six. They are my reasons for living. I’ve also enjoyed being captivated by the country of Guatemala. It’s a complicated place, with a fascinating history. I’ve loved learning about it.
Can we expect more books by you in the future? I hope so. That’s the first step. Thank you for thinking positive!
A library reading in Santee, San Diego
Friday, December 3rd, 2010Today, I read from Mamalita at the Santee Library in San Diego. In the audience were library patrons, museum friends, and adoptive moms (and one dad) whom I met through blogging and the Mamalita page on Facebook. A woman named Paty told me she found Mamalita browsing through the shelves at Upstart Crow, the indie bookstore where I read a week or two earlier. Paty’s comment made me realize–again–the importance of one’s book being on an actual shelf in a bookstore. I’m learning that’s a hallowed position difficult to achieve, especially for an unknown, first-time author with no track record, such as yours truly.
I read the opening chapter of Mamalita, “The Hotel Lobby.” The story begins during our first visit to Guatemala. Our adoption facilitator brings us the wrong baby, and I describe the scene sitting on a sofa in the lobby awaiting the arrival of the right one. As I got to the part where I spot a bundle of pink blankets across the room that I recognize as Olivia and say “That’s her,” my voice broke and I started to cry. Reading in public, that’s never happened to me before. But there was something about being in San Diego, among close friends who have known me for so long and shared some of our adoption journey. Everything came back.
It was an emotional beginning to an hour that included thoughtful questions from the audience about Guatemala, adoption, our story, and the process of writing memoir. Afterwards, I shared a delicious lunch with Library Manager Penny Taylor, who wrote a short book review that ran in the San Diego Union-Tribune on Sunday, November 28. My friend Tomoko took photos of the memorable day, with her snazzy red camera. Someday soon, I’ll post a few. In the meantime, here’s Penny’s review.
Recommended Reads by San Diego Union-Tribune
Reviewed by: Penny Taylor
Job: Manager at the Santee branch, San Diego County Library.
She recommends: “Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir” by Jessica O’Dwyer (Seal Press: $16.95)
Why: Jessica O’Dwyer and husband Tim Berger knew that adopting their daughter from Guatemala would not be easy. They had done their research, though, and meticulously prepared the required paperwork. When the adoption was delayed, O’Dwyer moved to Antigua to complete the process and to protect her daughter from returning to foster care. Working through the numbing bureaucracy while dealing with greedy adoption agents, the stay stretched to half a year. Despite the strain, the story is told with an obvious respect for indigenous Guatemalan people, arts, and culture and includes descriptions of her travels in Guatemala. I really like the intimacy of this narrative: O’Dwyer shares her personal fears, not only questioning who to trust in this foreign country, but expressing the terror and the joy of being a new mother caring for her baby alone. This is not a maudlin family drama, but a crisply told adventure with a cliff-hanging conclusion.
Thank you, adoption writers and bloggers
Wednesday, December 1st, 2010
During the years I was writing Mamalita, I heard a lot of helpful advice about what to do and what not to do when writing a book. One of the most helpful lessons I learned was the importance of ignoring the critic on your shoulder as you sit in front of your computer, toiling, the one who whispers in your ear “You can’t do this,” or “No will want to read it,” or “You shouldn’t write that!”
What I learned was that I had a story to tell. My job was to tell it.
But I must admit, there was a tiny part of me, a slim sliver of my subconscious, that worried how Mamalita would be received by the adoption community. Did any other adoptive mother feel the way I did, the first time I held my daughter in my arms? Was I the only person who became a screaming, hysterical lunatic when told her baby’s DNA test was lost? Did other parents feel a knife to the heart when their child didn’t recognize them as mommy or daddy? Would anyone out there relate to our story?
That’s why I was so happy when Adoptive Families magazine recommended Mamalita as a “richly written book, part thriller, part love story, part exposé… a cautionary tale.” Or when Lisa S. at Ouradopt.com said she “read it one breath.”
This week, two other adoption blogs for which I have enormous respect, American Mamacita and Creating a Family weighed in. Kim of American Mamacita said:
“As I read along with Jessica’s adoption story of Olivia – including her epilogue in which she recounts locating Olivia’s first mom and their reunion and on-going contact – I could not help but compare our own kids’ adoption story and reinforce our plan to locate their other mom as well.
If a book makes you want to act, to advocate for transparency, or even ‘just’ to be more open and sensitive to your own kids’ adoption experience, that’s a book worth reading. And this is that kind of book.”
Finally, Dawn Davenport of Creating a Family chose Mamalita as the adoption book to give for the holidays. Dawn wrote:
“I loved this book because of the way O’Dwyer handled the ethics of international adoption. It is tempting as an adoptive parent to become defensive, to gloss over the ethical dilemmas inherent when wealthy people from developed countries adopt babies from poor people in undeveloped countries. It is equally tempting for ‘reformers’ to over simplify the ethics and the solutions. The reality is that often international adoptions are a blur where the white and black hats are not at all clear. O’Dwyer captures the gray with a refreshing lack of defensiveness or editorializing, allowing us to ponder what we would do if faced with the same situation.”
Oh, to be understood! Especially by people whose opinions I value. Thank you, thank you.
Book giveaway on “Singlemommyhood” blog includes a copy of Mamalita
Tuesday, November 30th, 2010You can win a copy of Mamalita: An Adoption Memoir and four other great books that include parenting as a theme in a giveaway sponsored this week by Singlemommyhood. Act now, because the contest ends TOMORROW, on December 1.
I met Rachel Sarah, co-founder of the blog (with Dr. Leah Klungness), at a reading of her terrific memoir, Single Mom Seeking. A few days later, Rachel contacted me to compliment me on my portrayal of single moms in Mamalita, and asked if she could feature it in a book giveaway. Absolutely!
Here’s a link to the Singlemommyhood page, with details on how to enter. Good luck!
http://www.singlemommyhood.com/2010/11/adopting-and-a-book-give-away/
